When I became a mother, I already had eight years of clinical experience working with women in the perinatal period. I knew the research. I had held space for hundreds of women in the fog of postpartum mood disorders. And then I had my own child, and somewhere around week three, I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor at 2 a.m., absolutely certain I had made a catastrophic mistake, not just with one decision but with my entire life. Nothing in my training had prepared me for how convincing that thought would feel.
In India, the postpartum period is often held by the family. New mothers are surrounded, fed, watched, advised, celebrated. But this visibility can paradoxically make it harder to speak honestly. When your mother-in-law is cooking for you and your husband has taken two weeks off work, who do you tell that you feel hollow? That the baby's cry sends a spike of something that feels uncomfortably close to rage? The cultural frame is "you should be grateful," and that frame does not leave much room for "I am not okay."
Postpartum depression is not just sadness. The presentation is frequently anxiety, racing thoughts, terror that something will happen to the baby, intrusive images of harm that the mother finds deeply distressing precisely because she loves her child. It is also, sometimes, numbness: a flatness, a going-through-the-motions quality that looks like coping from the outside and feels like absence from the inside. It can be irritability, rage, an inability to be alone with the baby, or an inability to let anyone else hold them.
The signs that are worth taking seriously: persistent low mood for more than two weeks, inability to sleep even when the baby sleeps, intrusive or frightening thoughts, feeling disconnected from the baby or from yourself, and a sense that you are not the right person for this child. These are not character flaws. They are symptoms of a highly treatable condition. Untreated postpartum depression has consequences for both mother and child that go well beyond those early months, attachment, development, and the mother's own long-term mental health are all affected.
Partners and family carry real power here. The research is unambiguous: perceived social support is one of the strongest protective factors against postpartum depression. But support means more than practical help. It means creating the conditions in which a new mother can say something true without fear of being judged, dismissed, or told she will feel better soon. "How are you actually doing?" asked with enough time and quiet to get a real answer, is not a small thing.
If you are a new mother reading this: you are allowed to be struggling. The love is real. So is the difficulty. One does not cancel the other. Please speak to your gynaecologist, your GP, or a perinatal mental health professional. Therapy works. Medication is safe during breastfeeding when indicated. You do not have to earn the right to help by suffering a particular amount first.
Dr. Shruti Agarwal is a perinatal mental health specialist practising on GetCalmly.
